4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
All night I sleep inside mother’s brain.Broken starlings in the bleeding mulberrry,the horror of fireworks, those big red stains on July.Not the longest days, but then dire dogs pissout forgotten...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
This is just breathtaking. What imagery and language! The last two lines are a direct hit to the heart. But many other stellar lines -- All night I sleep inside mother’s brain. the horror of...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Oh, good dream /twilight poem. The "we" of the title is very clear.I can't parse this: Louisiana turns a secret / virgin stay.
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Thanks. the Louisiana turns a secret / virgin stay. needs work. Originally it contained the word rape which i backed away from. The line is weak.
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
yup! you earned that fabulous title - and it's so true. this has the same muscularity as that IBPC poem of yours > I like what you do with cancer. . . kind of blasting it to stardust. and a perfect...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Holy COW! My hair is standing on end. Me being me, I was right away trying to hammer this thing into regular couplets or tercets, but that would muck with your enjambment and would be wrong. I had...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Breathtaking and heartbreaking portrait of the dream we all have, Kendall. "Dirt bath grandkids kiss ice rink cheeks goodbye. " and those last two lines. Gave me a cry. I had trouble with the...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Well done on this Kendall. I too had trouble with the virgin stay - and you really don't want anything mucking up the trajectory of this piece. A couple of unnecessary modifiers that slow me down (but...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Five siblings stand on borrowed frozen hammer toes to rewrite the polished newborn stone. Then fresh powder covers all I knew of her. All night I brush it from her name. This is where the real poem...
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
Thanks for all the input. I appreciate it. Wanted you all to know that I don't mind expanded mild crits within the rules of the forum. I appreciate the feedback to make the work better.
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
What more can I say? The lines Jude highlighted are exquisite. This is a poem to read over and over.
View ArticleRe: 4.2.13 We all grieve in a dream
A very fine poem. First line is to die for and the last two make the perfect close. Bravo!
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